Twenty-One

Matthew went up to Jesus after his speech and entered into a serious discussion with him, which Thomas could not hear, until the end, when Jesus said to him "And was it not wise of him to trust?"

"As it turned out yes, I supposed," Matthew answered. "Your mother seemed to have no trouble on that score."

"Ah, well, she is unique." Thomas could agree to that. "But you would do well to use her as your model."

"I will try, Master; that is all I can say."

"And that is all I ask. Remember this: I do not ask for success, but that you try." Thomas remembered that Mary had said the same thing. Well, that was a comfort.

"I suppose I might be able to manage that," answered Matthew. "I might."

Jesus laughed. "Well, then, try to try. Perhaps that will suffice."

Thomas wondered if Jesus had spoken louder for him to overhear that part of what was said. It was consoling, because he was still not sure that he could persevere. But it was also frightening, because Jesus might be telling him that he might not persevere. Well, if he failed, perhaps he might be able to start again. Perhaps. If he put his trust in Jesus. If he tried to try to do so.

Jesus in the next few days began giving them instructions on how to behave as his "emissaries," and what to do if people rejected their preaching. Thomas was gratified to find that he and Matthew were paired together. "So we are going to act like the Master, and cure people," said Thomas. "I know not whether I am elated at this, or frightened at having the power. Suppose I abuse it somehow!"

"I, for my part," answered Matthew, "wonder whether I am more in admiration of the Master himself or afraid of him. If he is what we think he is, we should have no trouble. If."

"If, indeed," said Thomas. "Of course he is terrifying," "The fact that he can drive out a devil with a simple word clearly implies that at a word or a glance he could fry any of us to a crisp. But he will not. I think of myself as a kind of pet of his--a dog that he has acquired, which he will put up with for no other reason than that it is his. I am not quite as loving and fawning as most dogs, of course, but he seems willing to make allowances."

This reminded them both of Matthew's dogs, and Thomas ventured, "Did your dogs--had they attacked that man, and did the Master--?

"He teased them, and one broke her chain, and would have killed him. And he called the dog off--which I could not have done at that moment, she was so intent on tearing out his throat--and restored the man's body and clothes to what they were before, telling him not to mention what had happened." He laughed. "Which he could not have done in any case; he could barely speak."

"And the dog obeyed?"

"Not only that, she had injured her throat pulling at the chain, and he cured that, and repaired the chain! And she behaved like a kitten! She acted ashamed of herself, in fact, though he praised her for acting as she was trained to act. And that was true; they were guard dogs, after all. But it was incredible, if you knew those dogs! They actually wagged their tails and allowed themselves to be fondled! By a stranger! But it seems they knew him. Incredible!"

Shortly afterwards, they began their mission, haltingly explaining to people that God was about to begin his reign, and that this would involve a new way of thinking, and to show that life would be different, they cured diseases themselves "in the name of Jesus of Nazareth."

Thomas once even confronted a madman, and said, "I command you, unclean spirit, in the name of Jesus of Nazareth, to leave him," and the demon threw him to the ground and made him shout, "So now he works through drunks, does he?" But it left the man, who did not have any recollection afterwards of saying this, though the people standing about knew.

Thomas, his face afire with embarrassment, said, "Yes, indeed, my friends. I myself am one of the people who has been cured of my own curse. The power I have is not mine; it was given to me by Jesus. The world is indeed about to change." The people seemed almost as amazed by what Thomas said of himself as of the demon going out of the man.

At evening, they would return to the group, and report what they had done and said, receiving Jesus' commendation, and advice how to deal with this or that difficulty some of them encountered. Matthew did wonder how successful these excursions really were; but Thomas answered, "They must be more for our sake than the people's. And after all, more and more are hearing the good news."

Matthew replied, "Well whatever the reason, if the Master approves of them, who am I to question? And of course, he will probably visit the towns afterwards, in his own time, to clarify and strengthen what they had begun. This, it seems to me, is necessary; our preaching hardly overflows with eloquence.".

One day, before they set out, the whole group was together, when a young man, dressed in even finer linen than Nathanael was accustomed to wearing (and which he still wore, though now it was not so well kept), understated in only the way that those accustomed to great wealth could do, came up and knelt before Jesus. "Good teacher," he said, "What should I do to gain eternal life?"

"Why are you calling me 'good'?" said Jesus. "No one is good except the one God." A rebuke? Thought Thomas. Or was Jesus covertly saying that he was good because he was indeed God?

Jesus was continuing, "keep the commandments: You are not to kill, you are not to commit adultery, you are not to testify falsely, you are not to defraud; honor your father and mother."

The boy answered, "Teacher, I have done all this from the time I was very young."

Jesus looked fondly at him, and said, "Then there is one thing left for you to do. If you want to be perfect, then go, sell what you have and give the money to the poor, and this will open for you an account in heaven's bank; and then come and follow me."

Thomas looked over at Matthew, who reacted as if this were something of a rebuke for him.

The boy's face fell. He looked down at his clothes, and surveyed the others around Jesus (even Matthew had taken to wearing quite ordinary clothing, not to stand out), and after a long pause, turned and walked off.

Jesus gazed after him, wistfully, and said, "How hard it is for a rich man to put himself under God's rule! It is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to subject himself to God!"

Matthew gasped in shock. Thomas realized that he was at a crisis; he would have to give up his possessions, and he was wondering if he could do it. Thomas's hand went protectively to his side and covered the bladder. Not yet. Some day, perhaps, but not yet.

Andrew's brother Simon blurted, "But then who can be saved?"

"With men, it is impossible," answered Jesus. "But everything is possible with God." Thomas thought, then perhaps some day it would be possible for him to do without the bladder, and perhaps Matthew could give up his mansion and the gold that doubtless was in it.

Simon replied, "Yes it is! Look at us! We have left everything and followed you!"

"Amen I tell you," said Jesus, "That those of you who have followed me, when everything is reborn, when the Son of Man assumes the throne of his glory, will yourselves be seated on twelve thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel! And everyone who has left his house or his brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property for my sake will receive a hundred times as much in this age--along with persecution--and in the next age will enjoy eternal life! And yet" he added, looking around, "many of those who are now in the first place will be last, and many of the last will be first."

Who was he referring to? Thomas was filled with dread that it might be he. Did he trust enough? "With God everything is possible," and--presumably--God, or at least his Son, was standing before him. Presumably. If only he could get rid of that doubt! But how could it be possible that this man was God? But how could it be possible that he was not God and able to do what he had done? God's Son was one thing, but did that mean that he was God himself? What was his relationship with his "Father"?

Matthew went up to Jesus shortly afterward, and after a short conversation, left the group. Thomas supposed that it had something to do with "selling what he had," because he saw the look on Matthew's face as he walked away: determination and dread. He admired him--but was not yet ready himself to be rid of the bladder. The mere thought made him break out into a sweat.

They headed north, for some reason, toward Philip's Caesarea (as distinguished from the Caesarea on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea, where Herod had his palace, and where Pontius Pilate lived when he was not in Jerusalem in that fortress they called the "Antonia."). As they walked along, Jesus asked, as if casually, "Tell me; who do people say that I am?"

The Emissaries, of course, had heard much in their missions, and so some answered, "A prophet," others, "The prophet foretold by Scripture," and of course others, "The Prince."

"And who do you say that I am?" asked Jesus, looking at them intently, as if their answer would be crucial. At this Andrew's brother Simon blurted, "The Prince, the Son of the living God!"

Everyone was taken aback, not least Jesus. It was apparently the answer he was waiting for, but the source seemed to surprise him. He stroked his beard, and said, "Good for you, Simon Bar-Jona! Flesh and blood have not revealed this to you; it was my heavenly Father!"

Thomas was reminded of what Mary had told him: "He did not know everything beforehand, but he seemed to recognize things when he heard or saw them. We would tell him something new, and his eyes would light up as if to say, 'Ah, yes, that is what it is!'"

So it seemed that by answering the question in that way--though Thomas was sure that Simon did not realize the full implications of what he was saying, or even the implications Thomas realized--he had given the sign from "my heavenly Father" that he was singled out somehow.

And sure enough. Thomas heard what was being said, but because of his musings, it was only later that it sank in--something about being Rock and having the keys of the Kingdom, and locking and unlocking. He caught enough to piece it together later. Well! This was news indeed! Simon, of all people being the Lord Chancellor of the new Kingdom! That was what it sounded like! He could hardly wait until Matthew returned to tell him.

That evening, Matthew came back. David immediately ran up to him and asked something. Thomas was too far away to hear, but Ezra was not. How that man could be unnoticed was beyond Thomas, but clearly neither David nor Matthew were aware that he was just behind them.

Thomas asked him afterwards what it was all about.

"Interesting," said Ezra. "David--he and I are beginning to become friends, by the way--asked if he were whether he had been successful in whatever it was he was doing. 'I know not whether to call it "successful," David,' he answered. 'I am poor now, you see.'

"David, amazed, and, I think, disappointed, said 'Poor?' And he answered, 'I gave my house to Gideon and gave him his freedom; and the money I had hoarded I asked him to distribute among the farmers and people I had defrauded--because, frankly, I could not bring myself to do it; I could not bear to see myself parting with all that wealth. He is going to keep back enough to live on, but all the rest is going to be given away--except for this, which is for all of us.' And he showed him a heavy sack he was carrying under his cloak.

"The intriguing thing was that David took this as if it were a blow. He looked at Matthew with a very strange expression. Matthew said, 'Be of good cheer, David, as I am trying to be, and trust in the Master. I must do so now it seems.'

"And David answered, 'I--know not what to say.' It looked as if the purpose of his life had been thwarted, somehow. Was he plotting to steal what Matthew had? Fascinating."

"Tell me, Ezra, how do you do it?"

"What?"

"How can you--you of all people!--manage to be unnoticed as you do?"

"Well, as I told you, people find me difficult to deal with, but I also discovered that not being seen is a question of not moving. Motion calls attention to itself. If something is completely motionless, it is simply like a tree, part of the background. That is the main thing."

"I suppose. And I imagine there is more to your art. Because there must be an art to it. I could not manage it."

Ezra smiled his brilliant smile. "One must use one's talents, I suppose."

After Matthew had given Judas the money, he joined Thomas and young John, who had started discussing what had happened that day. "Of all people!" said Thomas, nodding to him in welcome. "I would have thought it would be Andrew, or Judas, but Simon!"

"I wondered what he meant back there with John," put in John, obviously referring to the John who had been bathing the people, who was dead now, poor man, murdered by Herod.

"What was this?" asked Matthew.

"You know that John bathed the Master also?"

"Actually, I do know that," said Matthew, and Thomas looked at him. Had he known him before the episode at the tax-booth? There was more to Matthew than met the eye.

"Well," John went on, "Andrew and I had followed him after John bathed him, and Andrew went to find Simon, and when the Master saw Simon coming, he said to him, 'You are Simon, son of John. You will be called Kephas.' None of us knew what to make of it. Why say that a man was going to be called 'Rock'? Well, now we know."

"We do?"

John looked at him, incredulous, and then said, "Oh, of a certainty, you were not with us today. Well, we were on the road to Caesarea--Philip's Caesarea, you know, not the other one--and the Master asked us who people thought he was. We said that some people called him John returned to life, some a prophet, or some the Great Prophet--"

"A new Elijah," said Thomas. "You must have heard them."

"And some said that he was the Messiah, the Prince God was to anoint as King over all of us." continued John.

"An understandable conclusion," put in Thomas, "given that he is always talking about the Reign of God--but of course, what does that make him? It gives one pause, does it not?" Matthew nodded, as if that had occurred to him. Had Mary spoken to him also?

"But then," said John, "he said, 'But who do you say that I am,' and Simon blurted out, as he is wont to do, 'You are the Prince, the Son of the Living God.'

"You see?," said Thomas. "But who would have thought that Simon could do logic?"

"--And the Master looked surprised, and stroked his beard as he does, and said, 'Good for you, Simon, son of John! Flesh and blood have not revealed this to you; it was my heavenly Father!' And then he said, 'And I now say to you that you are Rock, and on this rock I will build my community; and the gates of the land of the dead will not be strong enough to close down over it!'"

"Simon!" said Matthew. "Who would have imagined it?"

"Oh, Simon might have done," returned Thomas. "He is not given to fits of humility--but there I go being unkind again. But you should have seen Andrew's face! Well, I must not compound the unkindness. But the interesting thing is that the Master seemed a bit taken aback himself at first."

"Still," said John, "there was that prediction that he would be called the 'Rock.'"

"Well, yes," answered Thomas. "But you saw him. He was not expecting this from Simon. Perhaps at the beginning, he knew that there was to be something 'rocky' about him, if I may so speak, but did not know that it meant that he would be the leader of us all."

"Well, now," interjected Matthew, "just saying what he said did not necessarily mean that he would be over us, did it?"

"Oh, yes," said Thomas, "it was quite clear. John did not finish. He went on to say, 'And I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, and whatever you lock on earth will be locked in heaven'--whatever that meant--'and whatever you unlock on earth will be unlocked in heaven.'"

"And he used the singular? He was not referring to all of us?"

"He did," said John. "None of us can understand what he meant--except that it has something to do with the Reign of God that he is always speaking of. What I found interesting is that he agreed with Simon, because he said that the one who revealed it was 'my Father in heaven.'"

"Ah, that is his way of speaking," said Thomas; "I would not make too much of it." Either that or the revelation of what it really was was advancing apace. John seemed to have caught who Jesus was, and Matthew seemed even more convinced that this was probably the crux of the matter. Matthew knew more than he was letting on.

Thomas said, "It seems as if this Reign of God is to last forever, and somehow the Rock, as I suppose we should begin calling him, is going to have some kind of authority over us--second to the Master, of course. Perhaps when the Master is away, or something, as Andrew was wont to do--and I think Andrew caught the implication, and was not overfond of it. That was what I was alluding to. I must confess that I myself do not relish the prospect."

"But what do you think about this locking and unlocking?" asked Matthew.

"I have no idea," said John, "unless it means that when the Rock (what an odd term) issues a command--"

"God save us!" said Thomas.

"--heaven somehow sanctions it."

"From the little I know of him, that is a rather frightening thing to contemplate," remarked Matthew.

"True, he is given to impulses," said Thomas. "And yet, what else could it mean? Unless there is something deeper here, which we have not yet been vouchsafed the key to, if I may continue with the metaphor--if it is a metaphor. I understand less and less as the days go on."

"What does Judas say about it?"

"Oh, he took it all in, and looked wise and pensive," answered Thomas. "He would do, of course. He cultivates the air that nothing surprises him. But I suspect he is as bewildered as the rest of us."

"Oh, incidentally," said John. "We are to go to Judea tomorrow, for the festival."

"Ah yes," said Thomas. "All the excitement over this had driven it out of my head."

And that night, as he lay down to sleep, the bladder at his side as usual, he stroked it as was his wont, and--realized that he had lost count of the days he had had nothing but water. He had not even thought about it the whole day! What was it? Six months now? Perhaps there was hope!