Eighteen

Nathanael, to forget the episode of the little girl, decided to see Matthew about what Jesus had been saying, but he could not seem to find him alone. Somehow, he did not trust what Judas would say; he was working his way away from the notion that Jesus had been filled with some kind of Power that worked through him. It might be true, but it did not feel right, somehow.

He happened, however, to notice young John by himself, and, to avoid brooding on what he had done, thought he would try what his opinion was; he was a very bright person, and was about to study to be a rabbi. Besides, John, in spite of a certain impetuosity, was a likeable lad.

"I am anything but certain," John answered. "I had been assuming that the Reign of God would involve restoring everything to the condition it was in before Adam's sin, where everything cooperated with everything else and there was no evil."

"Something along those lines had occurred to me also," answered Nathanael. "It sounds fantastic, but then, we have seen so many fantastic things--sins forgiven, diseases healed by a touch--by a mere word!--and even the dead raised--that who knows?"

"Exactly. Well, if that is what it is all about, then perhaps it is a blessing to be poor now, because then you would realize that the Reign of God is your only hope, do you see?"

"Ah. And it would be a curse to be rich, because then you might lose your power over others. That makes sense. And the same would go for suffering or for the other apparent curses,"

"--because they would make you look forward to the Reign of God and not wed you to the life you were living. It would be easy to change your way of thinking."

"All right. But why let someone slap you a second time? Why give him your tunic if he steals your mantle?"

John thought a bit. "It could be the same sort of thing, could it not? I have not thought it through as yet, but could it not be that it would be part of not caring what happened to you now, knowing that in the Reign of God you would not have any suffering?"

"In other words, nothing makes any difference now, because it will all turn out well soon, so why fret over injustice? It will not count in the long run."

"I must say I find that hard to swallow, but it sounds as if this is what he was saying."

"I am inclined to agree. I suppose my thinking has not changed all that much."

"Nor mine," said John. If someone slaps me, he would have a bloody nose before I could even think of turning the other cheek!"

"Still, there is a point there, if you think on it dispassionately. If he slaps you, how have you undone the slap by doing damage to him? You have just compounded the evil." Nathanael thought of his realization he had not undone the death of Samuel by saving the girl.

"On the other hand, inviting him to slap you again compounds it also."

"There is something we are missing," mused Nathanael. "Perhaps it has something to do with not paying attention to yourself."

"You mean, letting the other person have the satisfaction of pummeling you? I do not see it."

"Well, he in effect said it."

"Yes, but how does his continuing in evil benefit him? So if I care for him, why should I let him do a greater evil than he has done? So even if I care not for myself, because in the Reign of God all will be happiness, should I not care that he cease his evil ways? Should I not put a stop to them with my fist?"

Nathanael laughed. "I suppose if you could do it with a heart full of nothing but love for him, hoping that he too would enter the Reign of God with you, where you would embrace each other, then Jesus would approve. The question is whether anyone could ever manage such a thing."

"Well, I fondly hope I will never get into a situation where I will have the problem."

"What I hope is that some day we will begin to understand what this is all about."

"True, we have a long way to go."

"And if we do, imagine what it will be like for all the rest of the people that we will be trying to prepare for the Reign of God!"

"Yes, that will be an adventure! Sent out as heralds to announce something we have only the foggiest idea about."

"It fills me with terror."

"And not only you, Bartholomew, believe me." And with that they parted, each pondering not only what they had been talking about, but what else Jesus had said.

Nathanael had a conviction that it had at least something to do with the fact that the Reign of God would undo all evil, and that one could and should put up with evil in anticipation of it. But what if he were wrong?

Well, one would have to trust. Jesus knew what he was saying.

How hard those two sentences were!

There was this. He had given up all the wealth he had, he supposed, since his father had given him an allowance when he lived in the cottage, and he had never gone up (or sent Ezra, of course, as he had done before) to collect it. It was more or less taken for granted that the gift his father had given to the group was all that he was going to receive. He supposed when his clothes wore out, he would ask Judas for money for a tunic or mantle, and then would have to become used to ordinary clothes. But the prospect did not really bother him, nor did the fact that the food he was eating was of lesser quality than he was used to, and the wine was--well, tolerable.

Jesus in the next few days began giving them instructions on how to behave as his "emissaries," and what to do if people rejected their preaching. Nathanael found himself paired with Philip; they were to be sent out two by two into the various towns of the area. He was not unhappy at the selection; it would have been impossible for him to cooperate with Simon the Revolutionary or with James the Owl, hemming and hawing at every third word, and having to have everything just so. Philip could probably give him a prod when he hesitated, and bolster his confidence, since Philip had no idea that he was anything but lazy--and Philip knew nothing about his role in the death of Samuel.

So they went to Arbela, and Nathanael, in the town square by the well, announced that there were going to be great changes soon, and that the people would need to be prepared for them; God was about to begin his reign, and everything would be different from what it was now.

Of course, several people immediately asked, "You mean the Romans will be driven out?" and Nathanael hesitated for a moment.

Philip said, "We know not for certain, but we do know that amazing things are going to happen. They are happening now. I have seen all sorts of diseases suddenly cured--"

"Oh, yes? I do not believe it. You mean, my brother here can walk again?"

"Bring him forward," said Nathanael.

They carried up a young man whose legs were completely withered. He was almost an adult with legs of a two-year-old.

"In the name of Jesus of Nazareth," said Nathanael, "stand up and walk!"

--And he stood up, on legs as strong as an athlete. "I do not believe it!" he cried.

Nathanael was faint with relief. He could not imagine what he would have done if the boy had simply lain there, crippled.

Everyone gaped in astonishment. The boy was dancing about, shouting "Hallelujah! I can do it! I can do it! Hallelujah!"

"You see?" said Philip. "The world is going to change! Jesus of Nazareth will be coming by later, giving more details. But be ready! Change your way of thinking! Prepare yourself for a world without suffering, without death!"

They could not be heard amid the hubbub that followed--which was, perhaps, fortunate, because they had not much more to say. They stayed there in the house of the boy and his brother that night, and drank in the praises, saying that it was the doing of Jesus of Nazareth (and fending off the astonished looks when they said "Nazareth") and then went on to the next town, where the same thing was repeated.

On the third or forth day, the sick person who was brought up had a demon, and Nathanael, quaking internally, said, "I command you, in the name of Jesus of Nazareth, to leave this poor woman!" He tried to say it as forcefully as he could, but when the demon left the woman, she roared and the demon threw her to the ground, and then a--sound--an immense bellow--flew up from her toward Nathanael's head. Nathanael almost fainted, and the sound turned to laughter as it went off into the sky, dying away gradually.

There was very little jubilation after this; everyone was shaken by it, and Nathanael almost could not breathe from terror. The woman was lying insensible on the ground, and finally someone came up and touched her, and she awoke as if she had been merely sleeping--and in her right mind.

"You see?" said Philip. "Even the demons have no power against Jesus!"

Several in the crowd muttered, "Well, not much."

"The demon is gone, is it not? Jesus will come and explain everything; but you must prepare."

When they were alone together that night, Philip said, "Are you all right?"

"Well," said Nathanael shakily, "I am alive. Unhurt. But that is not something I would care to repeat."

"Fear not. They are noise and nothing else."

"--I suppose not. They were something in that woman, however, from what her husband told me. But it seems--I hope--they can do nothing but scare us. It did a fine job of that, I must say."

"But nothing happened. Fear not."

"I wish that were as easy to do as to say."

They came back periodically and reported to Jesus, who gave them advice on how to handle various situations. Nathanael did not quite know what to say about the demon, so he said nothing, and Jesus gave him a look, and told him to fear not. Nathanael thought that it was not necessary for anyone actually to say anything to Jesus, and he assumed that Jesus's advice was a kind of encouragement. Well, in this case, at least, it saved embarrassment.

One day, before they set out, the whole group was together, when a young man, dressed in even finer linen than Nathanael was accustomed to wearing, understated in only the way that those accustomed to great wealth could do, came up and knelt before Jesus. "Good teacher," he said, "What should I do to gain eternal life?"

"Why are you calling me 'good'?" said Jesus. "No one is good except the one God." The boy seemed taken aback at what could only be a rebuke. "Keep the commandments: You are not to kill, you are not to commit adultery, you are not to testify falsely, you are not to defraud; honor your father and mother."

The boy answered, "Teacher, I have done all this from the time I was very young." Evidently he was not trying simply to trap Jesus, but was sincere.

Jesus looked fondly at him, and said, "Then there is one thing left for you to do. If you want to be perfect, then go, sell what you have and give the money to the poor, and this will open for you an account in heaven's bank; and then come and follow me."

Matthew gasped at this, confirming what Nathanael had thought was bothering him.

The boy's face fell. He looked down at his clothes, and surveyed the others around Jesus (even Matthew had taken to wearing quite ordinary clothing, not to stand out), and after a long pause, turned and walked off.

Jesus gazed after him, wistfully, and said, "How hard it is for a rich man to put himself under God's rule! It is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to subject himself to God!"

Nathanael wondered if he had been completely successful in threading that needle; but it was clear that Matthew had yet even to try. But he would try, he was convinced.

Andrew's brother Simon blurted, "But then who can be saved?"

"With men, it is impossible," answered Jesus. "But everything is possible with God." Nathanael noted with amusement that the problem was not simply Matthew's, as Thomas's hand went protectively to the wineskin he had faithfully carried ever since his conversion. But, as far as Nathanael could tell, he never drank from it, and it must be months now that he had nothing but water.

Simon replied, "Yes it is! Look at us! We have left everything and followed you!" Nathanael had certainly done that. Of course, in his case, leaving was more of a relief than anything else.

"Amen I tell you," said Jesus, "That those of you who have followed me, when everything is reborn, when the Son of Man assumes the throne of his glory, will yourselves be seated on twelve thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel! And everyone who has left his house or his brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property for my sake will receive a hundred times as much in this age--along with persecution--and in the next age will enjoy eternal life! And yet" he added, looking around, "many of those who are now in the first place will be last, and many of the last will be first."

So Jesus was definitely planning to become King. The Reign of God would be the reign of Jesus--which, of course, meant that Jesus was God--or thought he was. Well, if he were not, how could the real God sanction what he was saying with miracles, done now even by proxy? Nathanael thought of the demon that had so terrified him, but which obeyed his command nonetheless.

And what of what he said about the first and the last? Certainly, the "first" were the good Judeans, the priests and the law-experts, who opposed Jesus from the start. They showed no sign of being willing to change their thinking, and so doubtless would be left when Jesus assumed the throne. And the "last" were people like drunks and tax-collectors--and cowards--and fools like Philip, who were apparently going to have high places in this new Kingdom. Nathanael wondered whether Philip would be the Lord High Chancellor, simply because it was absurd to think of him thus. Well, if he could make the blind see and cripples walk, why not?

But then what of Judas Iscariot? He was one of the "first," and here he was, one of the Twelve also. Well, but it did not follow that all of the first would be last.

Matthew went up to Jesus shortly afterward, and after a short conversation, left the group. Nathanael could see the reason written all over his face. He wished him well. Even though he had no trouble giving up his own wealth, he could understand how devastating it would be for someone like Matthew, who had spent his life in what must have been agonizing work, exacting taxes from the poor farmers, to acquire it; he had to have had a love for it that Nathanael could not begin to fathom.

And Nathanael understood how difficult it was to rid oneself of what was holding one back. He still had problems even walking alone in the dark, and that demon! He supposed he would have to try some such thing again, to assure himself that there was nothing to be afraid of, when it was so obvious that there was a great deal to be afraid of.

Well, he would confront that when he had to. He would try to try.

They headed north, for some reason, toward Philip's Caesarea (as distinguished from the Caesarea on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea, where Herod had his palace, and where Pontius Pilate lived when he was not in Jerusalem in that fortress they called the "Antonia."). As they walked along, Jesus asked, as if casually, "Tell me; who do people say that I am?"

The Emissaries, of course, had heard much in their missions, and so some answered, "A prophet," others, "The prophet foretold by Scripture," and of course others, "The Prince."

"And who do you say that I am?" asked Jesus, looking at them intently, as if their answer would be crucial. At this, Andrew's brother Simon blurted, "The Prince, the Son of the living God!"

Everyone was taken aback, not least Jesus. It was apparently the answer he was waiting for, but the source seemed to surprise him. He stroked his beard, and said, "Good for you, Simon Bar-Jona! Flesh and blood have not revealed this to you; it was my heavenly Father!"

Nathanael was a little surprised. First of all, that it was Simon who said it; he had not thought that Simon had a great deal of intelligence, and he had himself only recently and reluctantly come close to the same conclusion--and was not really prepared to declare it so boldly even now. But secondly, that Jesus seemed also a bit bemused by who it was that had given him the answer he was obviously waiting for.

"And," Jesus went on, "I tell you that you are--Rock!--and on this rock I will build my community! And the gates of the Land of the Dead will never close down upon it! And I entrust to you the keys of God's Kingdom. Whatever you lock on earth will be locked in heaven, and whatever you unlock on earth will be unlocked in heaven!"

"But you," he said to all of them, "Refrain from telling others that I am the Prince who is to come. Leave anything of that sort that to me. Simply announce that the Reign of God is coming closer."

Well, it seemed that Philip was not the Lord High Chancellor of the new Kingdom after all, but Simon the Rock--a person almost as unlikely, thought Nathanael. Perhaps he was right in his theory. Would they start calling him Simon Rock now?

Then Jesus said something that struck terror into Nathanael's heart: "Attend: You are to know that the Son of Man one day will go to Jerusalem and suffer a great deal and be repudiated by the Scripture scholars and Pharisees, and be killed--and then come back to life on the third day."

Everyone was stunned. Could he have meant this literally? Simon, in his "rockiness" recovered first, and said, "Be calm, Master! Nothing like that will ever happen to you!"

Jesus looked at him with a so-this-is-what-my-Father-picked-for-me look on his face, and said in a forceful but not unkind tone, "Get behind me, Satan! You are thinking in the way men think, not as God does!"

Dear God, it sounded as if he meant what he said!