Thirty-Seven

Dawn was about to turn everything gray, before the brush of the approaching sun dipped itself into colors. Matthew walked the streets of Jerusalem between the high, cramped walls, with his mind in as gray a daze, not quite knowing where he wished to go; but soon he found himself in the general vicinity of the High Priest's palace. Perhaps someone would be outside and would have heard what was happening.

As he arrived and looked around, he thought he saw John. "What news?" he asked.

"I was able to enter," said John, "and I saw part of his trial, if one can dignify it with such a name. He first went to Annas, whom I knew, but received nothing but a slap!--" He winced as he said this. "--because he answered truthfully. And then they took him to the High Priest, who convened the Sanhedrin. I could not get in, but Nicodemus, who of course was there and had been my teacher--To think I was actually studying to be one of them!--told me that he would tell me what happened.

"And it was as we expected--at least as I did. They called witnesses to accuse him of blasphemy, and Nicodemus said that it was pathetic. The stupid things they were claiming! That he could tear down the Temple and build it again in three days! You saw that, did you not? He was talking about his body, if they killed him! God grant he means it! But they could not even agree on that, because what he actually said was, 'If you tear down this Temple, I will rebuild it!'

"Anyhow, it went on and on, Nicodemus said, and they were making no headway against him at all; and--wisely--he said nothing. Nicodemus said that if it continued thus, he would be acquitted."

"And did it?" asked Matthew.

"They were too desperate. The whole thing was simply a pretext, so that they could pretend that he had had a trial. But the High Priest became frantic, and finally, Nicodemus said, he turned to Jesus and asked him, 'Do you have no answer at all to the charges they are making?' And still he kept silence. And what difference would it have made what he said? They could not use his own words against him, could they? Legally?

"But then the High Priest almost screamed, according to Nicodemus, "I command you that you tell us under oath to the living God if you are the Prince, the Son of God!" And Nicodemus said--these were his very words--'The one in authority over Jesus had issued a command, and Jesus, as you know, always obeyed authority. He answered, "I AM"--and the hall rang with it--"and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Power and coming in the clouds of heaven!"' And Nicodemus said, "Well, that was what they were looking for. The High Priest tore at his robes, but they were too well made, and he could not rend them, and so he only made a fool of himself, pulling at his robe and bellowing, 'Blasphemy! We have heard the blasphemy for ourselves! What need have we of witnesses!'"'

"And of course," John went on, "they found him guilty. They took him off somewhere, and are going to bring him to the Governor as soon as day breaks. They hope to have it all over before a crowd can gather. I cannot stand it!"

Matthew wondered if his advice to Pontius Pilate would be followed, which would thwart their whole plan. It was just conceivable that Jesus might yet win, because the governor would dearly love to obstruct the Judean authorities and show them that they had no authority, if he could do so without raising a fuss--and the whole point of what they were doing was to have him allow them to kill Jesus before there was a fuss. But if Pontius found him innocent, what could they do?

"Let us go to the Praetorium," said Matthew. The light was brighter now, and as they went round--it was not far--they saw a group of guards march into the headquarters. The priests and Pharisees kept themselves outside, and Matthew wondered why, until he realized that today was, for most people, the day before the Passover, and they did not want to defile themselves so that they could eat the meal that evening. Never mind, he thought, that they were defiling themselves by condemning an innocent man!

After a short time, Pilate came out onto the balcony, and said, with his widest smile, "What is the charge you bring against this man?" and they answered, "If he were not a criminal, we would not have brought him here before you!"

"Very well, then you take him and try him by your own laws," said Pilate. Matthew noticed that it was Longinus who was beside him.

The priests ground their teeth and answered, "We do not have the right to put anyone to death!" Pilate smiled benignly at this, shrugged, and went inside for a short time.

He then emerged, and said with almost a grin, "I do not see that you have a case against him." Another smile, "And you have a custom that I let a prisoner go on the Passover. Do you wish me to release this 'King of Judea'?" This last was said with a broad smile of mockery.

"Not him!" they shouted. "Barabbas!" Matthew saw Longinus cringe. He was a notorious criminal that they had been looking for for months. Pilate's smile disappeared. He shook his head, and then smiled sardonically once again and went back inside. Matthew was afraid that he might take out his frustration on Jesus.

Nothing happened for a considerable while. Finally, Pilate came out once again--by now a huge crowd had gathered--and said, "I am now going to bring him out to show you that I find nothing wrong with what he did." And Jesus emerged, accompanied by Longinus, wearing a red soldier's cloak as if it were royal robes, and a crown--made, Matthew saw, out of thorns, that were oozing blood down his face--and with a stick for a scepter in his hand. He could barely stand; he had obviously been severely beaten. Matthew nearly fainted.

"There is your man," said Pilate. "Look at him."

Everyone was silent in stunned shock. Matthew could not believe that this was Pontius' idea; and from the look on Longinus' face, it was not his, either. One of the soldiers must have thought of it while they were whipping him and Longinus was outside managing the soldiers controlling the crowd.

Finally one of the priests found his voice, and shouted, "Crucify him!" and others joined in, "Crucify him! Crucify him!"

Matthew noticed that as the chant continued, more and more of the crowd joined in. They were turning against him, because they had been hoping that he would have freed them from the hated Romans, and here he had been disgraced by them! So they turned their hatred on him. There was nothing worse for the Judean people than to be disgraced, and Jesus was not only disgraced, but mocked publicly. For most, he was totally discredited.

But then Pilate said, with his most benign smile, "You take him yourselves and crucify him. I have no crime to charge him with."

Another silence. The crowd now did not know what to think. They no longer had any respect for Jesus, but Pilate was going to let him go!

Finally, a priest shrieked, "We have a law, and that law says he must die, because he made himself the Son of God!"

At this, Pilate became alarmed. What had Jesus said to him as he had questioned him? And had he remembered what Matthew had said? He had told Matthew that he had reports of some of the miracles. Was he afraid that Jesus just might be the Son of God?

He went back inside with Jesus.

The crowd held its collective breath.

Then he came out once again with Jesus, and now with no smile on his face, he said in a tone barely controlled, "Look at him! That is your King!"

"Take him away! Take him away!" shouted the people. They had turned totally against him; he was now on the side of the Romans! "Crucify him!"

"You want me to crucify your King?" said Pilate.

"We have no king but Caesar!" they answered--and then Pilate's complacent smile returned. He had extorted from the crowd their allegiance to Caesar!

And so, to satisfy them, he sentenced Jesus to death. He had a basin brought, and ostentatiously washed his hands in front of them, saying, "I am innocent of this man's blood. It is your responsibility." And the crowd roared louder than ever.

It occurred to Matthew that Pontius had thought he had won, but might very well discover that he had lost. All would not be over until the third day had passed.

He hoped.

Seeing Jesus thus had shaken the little faith he had. Jesus was a compelling person when he spoke, but had it all been a dream and an illusion? Had his miracles been coincidences, as Longinus had thought?

And after a short time, Jesus and two others emerged, dragging the cross-beams of their crosses on their shoulders, escorted by three soldiers, with Longinus as their commander. He looked extremely distressed. It was very difficult to see, because the crowd kept pressing in, and the streets were so very narrow. Jesus, almost dead already from the beating, disappeared from view. He had fallen down under the weight of the wood. That strong man, for whom wood was a friend and servant for so many years, was felled by it! And would be hanged on it, in the worst way imaginable!

Matthew tried to go closer, but could not because of the crowd. Jesus stopped for a moment by some women, and said something to them, and was prodded onward. He fell again, and now Longinus looked around, clapped his hand on a powerfully formed young man nearby, who, complaining and objecting, took the cross-beam from Jesus and walked behind him.

Even without the cross, Jesus fell, and Matthew heard Longinus speak to one of the other soldiers, wondering whether they would be able to get him to the Skull Hill, or whether he would die first. There was considerable climbing to do, and Jesus could not seem to get his footing.

But the journey was not long; it was practically inside the city, well within sight of anyone who cared to look, when they stopped and took off Jesus's clothes, and Longinus, having assigned the crucifixion of the other criminals to two other soldiers, himself nailed Jesus to the cross. At one point, Jesus said something, and Longinus stopped, the mallet raised to strike, winced, and then brought it down, as silent tears fell from his eyes.

And then Matthew saw Jesus hanging here, bloody and naked, with the two others, who were screaming in agony. Jesus was making little grunting noises as he stood on his nailed feet to relieve the pain in his wrists, and then let himself sag when the pain in his feet became unbearable. Matthew found that he could not bear to look at him, and yet he could not tear his eyes away.

The priests were there, close to Jesus, mocking him. Matthew wanted to rush over to them and tear their throats out. They were telling Jesus to come down and they would believe in him. But they would not, if he did; they would merely tell the soldiers to use stronger nails. Even one of the other criminals screamed at him to save himself and them, and was soundly rebuked by the other. Jesus said something to the other one, which Matthew did not catch.

But not everyone was mocking; there were others standing there, like Matthew, appalled, or weeping. Matthew noticed among them John and beside him Jesus's mother, as well as Mary, looking disheveled and completely wretched. So she had come to Jerusalem after all. To see Judas? God grant she did not know where he was! Jesus looked up and saw them and seemed to say something to them, but they did not answer.

The thought rose unbidden in Matthew's mind that, once freed from Judas's hold on her, she might be able to think of him.

He dismissed it immediately as unworthy of him. How could he think of such things, with Jesus writhing in agony in front of his face? He tried again to turn his eyes from the torment, but could not.

Nathanael came up beside him. "They had a masterful plan," he said with bitter irony. "Have him publicly disgraced by the Romans, of all people, and then have them degrade him thus!"

"I suspect it was not a plan at all," said Matthew, "but something they blundered into."

"Whether or not, it was perfect. Can you imagine anyone listening to our preaching about him after this? I can hear them say, 'Is he not the one I saw on the cross, defiling himself with his own excrement?' Who would believe that he was a great man, let alone the Son of God? Or the 'King of Judea,' as the sign says?"

Matthew mused, quoting, "'Who would believe what we had heard? He was spurned and avoided by men, one of those from whom men hide their faces.' It was there in the prophesy; I read it just recently! So there must be a meaning to this! And the same prophesy says something about his bearing our suffering while we thought of him as stricken, and his being pierced--it actually said that, I remember reading it!--for our sins! There must be a point to all of this. There has to be!"

Nathanael looked over at him, and finally spoke. "Thank you, Matthew. I had given up all hope."

It was rapidly growing dark. The sun seemed to be losing its light, on a bright, cloudless afternoon. It was still cloudless, but the darkness was soon like that of a severe thunderstorm, though still without clouds, and it was getting even worse; it seemed as if night was overtaking the day. Matthew saw Longinus look up at the sky, horrified.

"An eclipse of the sun," said one of the soldiers. "I saw one once."

"No it is not!" Longinus snapped. "Eclipses occur at the new moon! The moon is full!" The other soldier looked up at the sun also, suddenly terrified that he could look directly at it and not be blinded by its light.

It was extremely frightening, especially for someone like Matthew, who knew (believed?) that Jesus was God. He wondered if this might be the end of the world, and all would die with Jesus. But no--he said he would return on the third day! If he was God, then his prediction would come true, and if he was not, then this was just some natural phenomenon that would disappear like an eclipse.

It was all so confusing!

Matthew saw that the soldiers had divided up the men's clothes to sell, and one of them held up what looked like Jesus's robe, and asked something, at which they had a discussion, and then seemed to be playing at dice for it.

Just then, Jesus shouted from the cross, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani!" and something rang a bell in Matthew's mind. Where had he heard or read that? A psalm? He happened to glance at the soldiers playing, and thought, "They have divided my clothes among themselves/and played at dice for what I was wearing"! It was that psalm that Jesus was quoting!

If he had not seen the game, he would never have realized that Jesus was calling attention to a prophesy! And was not that the psalm that had the lines, "They have pierced my hands and my feet; I can count all my bones"? David never had his hands and feet pierced! And did not the psalm end in triumph?

This all had to make sense somehow! It had to. This had something to do with atoning for our sins, as Isaiah had foretold in the prophesy about the suffering servant. And did he not say something about seeing his descendants and being respected? And must that prophesy also not mean that this would work out in some impossible way?

Longinus caught his eye and beckoned him over. It was now almost completely dark.

"What have I done, Matthew?" he asked in a stricken voice.

"All I can say is that he foretold this, and said that he was to undergo it of his own free will. He could have prevented it if he wished."

"He told--that friend of yours--that he was a king, but that his kingdom did not belong to this world. Is this--" he waved at the dark sky "--his vengeance?"

"I think not. It must be a sign that indeed he is what he says he is. I hope that is what it is."

"But I crucified him! And do you know what he said to me?"

"What was that?"

"I was about to nail his right wrist to the cross, and he looked into my eyes, and said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.' But I think I did know! I was there in Galilee when my commander's son was cured by him! I heard what you said about him! I heard what he said to the Governor! I knew he was innocent! But I was under orders!"

"Longinus, if he asked his Father to forgive you, you are forgiven. He forgave me my sins."

"But he said it was because I knew not what I was doing!"

"Attend to me, Longinus. If he said that you did not know, you did not know. And you did not. You did not understand that he was the Creator of the whole world!"

"I wish I could believe that!"

"You see? You did not know what you were doing. Longinus, I know not whether it will be possible for Gentiles to join us, but from what he said, it might be. You might consider it."

"If we survive this!" He looked up at the cross. "Have mercy on us! Give us back our sun!"

Just then Jesus said something. One of the soldiers asked what he said, and the other answered, "He said he was thirsty."

"Here, let me!" cried Longinus. "Where is the wine? I can put it in a sponge and put the sponge on my spear!" And he ran to the bucket of sour wine that the soldiers used to quench their thirst, soaked the sponge in it, and held it up to Jesus's mouth.

One of the soldiers came up to Longinus, and in a quiet voice of fear said, "You killed him, Longinus."

"What? He asked for a drink, and I gave him to drink!"

"Longinus, you know as well as I that a person hanging on a cross becomes crazy with thirst, but if one gives him drink in that position, he chokes to death!"

"No! No! I merely wanted to give him to drink! He asked for it! I knew not what I was doing!"

"It is over!" Jesus coughed, and then screamed.

"Beware! The Rock!" cried one of the soldiers. There was a great roar, the earth shook, and the rock the crosses were set in split in two. Longinus cried, "He really was the Son of God!" Everyone fell to the ground.

Silence ensued for what seemed an eternity.

Then the sun came out once again, now declining toward evening. Gradually, people rose to their feet, looked around, then at Jesus, limply hanging there dead, shook their heads, and left, beating their breasts.

Matthew, dazed, did the same. It had happened. He had given his life for his sheep. What was he to do now? He walked away, not knowing what he was doing, or where he was going.

A man was walking beside Matthew, who looked up and thought he seemed familiar, and then recoiled in horror. It looked exactly like his father as he remembered him before the suicide.

"Matthew," he said. "I have been allowed to come this day and tell you how grateful I am that you prayed for me. Without that prayer, I would not have repented at the last moment of what I had done."

Matthew was speechless.

"But he has saved us all," the father said. "Praise him."

Matthew finally managed to blurt, "I know not what to say. I--and the other man? The one I was responsible for?"

"He also."

"Thank God!"

"Yes, indeed. We can be happy now. Forever."

"And--" He almost could not force the words out of this mouth. "--and Judas?"

"Ah, what he has done needs more than prayers from you alone. From many, many others. Perhaps as time goes on, there will be enough generous people to beg forgiveness for him also."

And he vanished.