Twenty-Seven

When they arrived and went toward the synagogue in Capernaum, Jesus again found himself surrounded with a crowd, many of whom had come round already by land from where they had been staying. They informed the rest of the miraculous multiplication of the loaves and fishes, and the whole crowd was abuzz. Jesus, however, did not speak with anyone until they were in the synagogue, and everyone had settled down a bit because they were in a holy place.

Finally, he sat down and looked at them. "Rabbi, when did you get here?" someone asked before he could begin speaking. They had seen the students go alone into the boat, and there were no other boats there. Evidently, they had seen some boats passing and hailed them, thinking that they would at least be able to question the Twelve.

"Amen amen I tell you," said Jesus, an expression that indicated that he was about to say something of singular importance,, "you are not looking for me because you saw evidence; you are here because you had a meal and filled yourselves with the bread. Do not be bothering about food that spoils; pay attention to food that stays fresh for eternal life: food that the Son of Man will give you, because this is the task the Father has assigned to him."

Matthew thought, "Evidence of what? It sounds as if he is saying, 'Evidence of who I am.' This might be the beginning of his attempt to reveal himself as divine, as Judas feared."

But they ignored it. They were more interested, obviously, in how they could have Jesus repeat what he had done for them."But what are we supposed to do," they asked "if we are to concern ourselves with what God wants of us?"

"God's task for you," answered Jesus, "is for you to believe in the one he sent."

Matthew mused that it was evidence about who Jesus was that he was referring to. It was no longer an exhortation to change one's thinking and prepare for the Reign of God; now he was saying, after performing a miracle--and if the people knew, walking on top of stormy water!--that their task now was to believe in who he was.

"Very well," they answered, "but how do you go about proving that you are the one we are to believe in? What is this task God has given you? Our ancestors ate manna in the desert, after all, as it says in Scripture, 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'" The unspoken implication seemed to be, "but all you have done is multiplied ordinary bread."

"They do not want much," thought Matthew, disgusted.

"Amen amen I tell you," Jesus answered, "Moses did not give you bread from heaven." He emphasized the word as his questioner had done, "but my Father will give you bread that really does come from heaven. God's bread is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

"Ah! Then give us this bread, Master, all the time!"

"I am the bread that comes down from heaven." said Jesus. Matthew saw the disgruntled expressions on the faces of the people who thought that this was just another of Jesus's metaphors. "A person who comes to me will never be hungry, and one who believes in me will never feel thirst."

He heard them say to each other, "You see? It was nothing but 'listen to me' all over again. Bread from heaven indeed! One could eat the manna!"

"I told you, you saw the evidence just now, and yet you still do not believe me. But everyone my Father gave me comes to me, and I will not turn my back on anyone who comes to me, because I came down from heaven to . . ."

And he went on talking, but Matthew lost the train of what he was saying. "I came down from heaven," he had said. Closer and closer. Now that he thought of it, he had said something like this before.

He turned away to think, and happened to notice that Mary had come into the synagogue, and was at the back of the crowd, with a very concerned look on her face at what she heard. He began to weave his way through the people toward her. Whatever it was that Jesus was saying--Matthew had not been paying attention--it did not sit well with the congregation. They were grumbling to themselves more and more loudly, saying things like, "Is this not the Jesus that is Joseph's son?" Another answered, "It is. We know his father and mother. How can he claim that he 'came down from heaven'?"

"What are you complaining about?" said Jesus. "No one can come to me unless he is drawn by the Father who sent me--and then I will bring him to life on the last day. There is a prophesy, 'They will all be instructed by God.' Everyone who has listened to the Father and learned from--"

"Do you know what happened last night?" said Matthew, finally arriving at Mary's her side. She turned a troubled face on him. "He came to us during the storm, walking on top of the water! And he got Simon Rock to do it also, but Simon became--"

"Be still! We cannot hear!" hissed several people.

Jesus was saying "--except the one who is at God's side. He has seen the Father."

There it was. She looked at Matthew and he looked at her, as fear rose within both of them. Matthew could see that the people were anything but disposed to believe in his claim about himself, and what would happen when it became more explicit? "--has eternal life." he was saying. "I am bread for life. Your ancestors ate manna in the desert and died; but this is bread that comes down from heaven for people to eat and not die. I am living bread that comes down from heaven, and if anyone eats this bread, he will live forever." He paused, seemed to be inspired by an idea, stroking his beard in his characteristic way, and then continued, "And the bread I am to give you is the meat of my body, for the life of the world."

Matthew heard the collective intake of breath, and then the cry of disgust. "How can this man give us the meat of his body to eat?" said the people to each other. Mary covered her eyes with her hands, obviously thinking of what Judas had said. He could not have predicted anything more outrageous. How could he do it? His stroking of his beard seemed to indicate that a way had occurred to him, but what could it possibly be?

Jesus evidently heard the congregation, but instead of explaining himself, he went on, "Amen amen I tell you that if you do not eat the meat which is the Son of Man's body--and drink his blood!--" The congregation gasped once again, "--you will not have life in you!" Jesus seemed more intense now than he had ever been. This was the acid test. He would either find believers, or he had sealed his doom, and he obviously knew it, because he was looking more around at the Twelve than at everyone else. Matthew stared at him open-mouthed, wondering if he could believe this. There must be some sense in which it was possible, and not actual cannibalism, which was too sickening to contemplate. What? Would he tear off an arm for us to chew on, and then have it grow back as the bread did? What could he mean? And yet, Jesus was continuing, "--meat which is my body is real food, and my blood is real drink. Anyone who eats the meat of my body and drinks my blood lives in me and I in him. Just as my living Father sent me and I live through the Father, anyone who eats me will live through me. This is the bread that comes down from heaven. Not what your ancestors ate. They died. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever!"

There was consternation. Mary and Matthew again looked at each other. Matthew took her hand and held it as both contemplated Jesus in horror. People were saying, "That is disgusting! How can anyone listen to it?"

Jesus looked around at all of them, as they murmured to one another in their outrage. "You find that difficult to accept, do you not? What if you were to see the Son of Man rise up to where he was before? Spirit is what gives life; matter is of no use at all; and what I have told you is spirit and life, and there are some of you who do not believe it!"

Some of them? There was not one of them who believed it. How could anyone? Mary looked at Matthew, who was shaking his head in sorrow. He had been hoping for Jesus to explain himself in some way, but there was no compromise. There was a hint, but just a hint: "Spirit is what gives life; matter is useless." Were we to understand this in a spiritual sense? But what spiritual sense. It could not be what Matthew had pictured. It could not! But that, of course, was the material sense. But what other sense was there?

"--why I said that no one can come to me unless he is given the power to do it by my Father."

But Jesus was now talking to the backs of the congregation, who were streaming out the doors saying that he might be able to cure the sick, but he was mad, and anyone who listened to him was as mad as he.

Finally, there were left merely the Twelve and one or two others. Jesus looked at them, as they gazed expectantly at him, all of them hoping--praying--for an explanation, such as those he would give them privately about his stories. But Jesus said, with infinite sorrow, "Do you wish to go away too?"

There was a dead silence, and a few shuffled their feet. One or two--not of the Twelve--did leave, shaking their heads in disillusionment. Judas was among those who stayed; but he had his eyes fixed on the mosaic on the floor beneath him, almost in embarrassment.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Simon Rock spoke up, with tears in his voice. "Master, to whom would we go? We know that what you say is eternal life, and--and we have believed that you are the Holy One of God. We--we know this."

Jesus smiled poignantly at the masterful effort. "Did I not choose you twelve?" he said. Then his eyes lifted themselves to the mountains on the other side of the lake and beyond them to the infinity he had just said he had come from, and added, "And one of you is a devil!"