Twenty-Three

But to return to Lazarus, he soon emerged from the other room as a transformed person--though still recognizably Lazarus. He was secretly elated about something--obviously about loving Judith, and being loved by her! Incredible!--and announced to all that he was sorry to have disturbed the party, but that there had been a slight accident that he had been able to take care of (No doubt, no doubt. He still had to be responsible for anything good.), and now everything would be all right; that no one was really hurt, but that it was better, all things considered, for the women to remain in seclusion for the rest of the day (The way it sounded, neither had a hair left on her head, and their faces were doubtless scratched beyond recognition.)--and, in short, he begged their pardon for suggesting that it might be well to put an end to the festivities.

Everyone pronounced that he understood perfectly, since most had the same suspicion--certainty--that I had. What bewildered most of them was the contrast to what he had been just moments before. All, including Jesus and us, left with a minimum of fuss, a few of the banking friends asking Lazarus when they would see him in Jerusalem, to which he replied, "Soon. Soon. Very soon, in fact." They seemed gratified with his response.

We went back to the camp at Ephraim, where Ezra came over, all eagerness to find out what happened. When Thomas told him, he laughed his great laugh, and said, "He certainly has a wonderful sense of humor, has he not, in addition to all his other qualities! Thomas, there is hope for you yet! There is hope for both of us!" I wondered what "hope" there was for Ezra. Well, it mattered not. Once Jesus was out of the way, dispatching Ezra would be relatively simple. I was certainly far more astute than he.

After only a day in camp, Jesus informed us that on the morrow we would be entering Jerusalem, in preparation for the Passover. It was earlier than I had thought; but it meant that we would be spending the nights in Gethsemani, and so that would be an advantage for me. If unforeseen developments occurred, I could alter the date to hand Jesus over. I excused myself, and went to Jerusalem early, ostensibly to have funds ready for the feast, and informed Zebulun that he might have to be ready any night, depending on what Jesus decided to do. I did not trust him.

Everyone else realized that the confrontation was now about to occur, and hoped that there were enough Galileans and supporters of Jesus to tip the scales in his favor. But Jesus was sure to reiterate the claim that he was God when they tried to make him King by acclamation, and say that the Reign of God would come in his person; and it was anyone's guess what would happen then. The slightest thing could turn everyone against him, and with a crowd such as was bound to be there, when that happened, stoning would be the most benign of all outcomes.

All began well, from Jesus's point of view--too well, in fact, to last. When they reached the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent a couple of people ahead, telling them to untie a young donkey with its dam, and bring them to him. They returned saying that the owners were Josiah and Amos, who recognized them, and were glad to lend them.

Jesus then mounted the donkey colt, and rode on it toward Jerusalem. When the people saw him, a huge crowd formed. Someone cut down a branch from a palm tree and waved it, shouting, "Hosanna to the Son of David!" and soon almost everyone joined in, crying that Jesus was the King of Israel, and "Blessed is the one coming in the Master's name!" and strewing either palm branches or their own cloaks on the road in front of Jesus. The roar became deafening.

"Rabbi," shouted a Pharisee who came up, "curb your followers!" and Jesus answered, "Amen I tell you, if they were to be silent, the very stones would shout!" All this was at the top of their lungs, to be heard over the crowd.

When they arrived at the Temple, things calmed down somewhat. The Pharisees and Sadducees were there, with difficulties that they hoped would discredit Jesus; but he calmly answered them all--a child could have answered them all, but Jesus did it astutely enough that they were the ones who looked foolish, not he.

The Passover, of course, and its preparation were always confusing, with the narrow streets of Jerusalem crammed with people, donkeys, oxen, some horses, the soldiers trying to keep order, vendors of lambs shouting their wares, since every family had to have one for the feast on, as it appeared, the day before the Sabbath. There seemed to be a difference of opinion as to when the moon would actually be full, which was the beginning of the festivities. That was interesting. There was an ambiguity as to the date: was it Thursday or the Preparation Day? I was happy I had alerted Zebulun; Jesus might take advantage of it. The general opinion was that it was the Preparation Day for the Passover, making the Passover a very special feast, since it occurred on a Sabbath.

But all this was compounded by the disputes that Jesus was having with his interrogators, and the shouting-matches that went on in the audience between those who held that Jesus had been totally vanquished by his accusers and those who were convinced that Jesus had demolished them. The fact was that Jesus won all the disputes, but the diehards would not, of course, admit it. Ordinary people, however, who were well-disposed toward Jesus, were not fooled.

The tumult went on for several days, with Jesus leaving at sundown for the Mount of Olives and the Gethsemani Garden, which, surprisingly enough, the authorities had not found out about. True, we were always quite circumspect in going there. Jesus had seen to it that we did not go in a body, but severally, by separate routes; and since Jesus himself never seemed to be in any one of the smaller groups, the people did not know whom to follow. But he had been exercising his special talent of not being noticed.

Everything was timing. So far, Jesus's timing had been perfect.

Then one day, some people who spoke Greek approached Philip (who, it turned out, by this time also spoke Greek fairly well) and asked if they could see Jesus. Philip, who did not feel up to doing anything on his own, sought out Andrew, and they went to Jesus and told him who wished to speak to him.

Instead of answering, Jesus drew in his breath. "The time has come for the Son of Man to show what he really is!" he said, looking at the people who had come behind them, and beyond them to the blue sky. Then he looked round at those of the Twelve who were near him, and said, "Amen amen I tell you, if a grain of wheat does not fall to the ground and die, it remains alone; but if it dies, it multiplies itself many times over." He was on a step, and looked down at his students, loving them. "Anyone who cares about his life," he said, "will lose it, and anyone who hates his life in this world will save it for eternal life! And if anyone wants to be my slave, he is to follow me, so that my slave will be where I am; and then my Father will show respect for anyone who follows me."

I am sorry; I could not "be where he would be;" I simply could not face crucifixion. The wonder was that he could.

It was obviously not easy. Jesus closed his own eyes, as if in pain, and shook his head back and forth. "But now my soul is in turmoil. And what should I say? 'Father, rescue me from this moment'? --But I came just for this moment! Father, show how great your name is!"

For some reason, he had not come to be named King; he had come "just for this moment." I could not understand it. And then the thunder spoke again, as it had when John was bathing the people. This time, it said, "I have shown it, and I will show it again!"

"Did you hear that?" said some. "The thunder?" said others. "No, it was words!" "An angel was speaking to him!"

"That voice," said Jesus, "did not speak for my sake; it spoke for yours. The present moment is the crisis of the world! Now is the time when the ruler of this world will be driven into exile! And if I am lifted up off the ground"--and he held out his arms. The cross again!--"I will draw everyone to myself!" There was no question now. It was the cross.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" shouted the people. There were confused cries of, "We heard that the Prince will stay with us forever!" "How is it that you say this Son of Man is to be lifted up somewhere?" "Just who is this 'Son of Man'?"

"The light is with you for only a little while," said Jesus when he could be heard over the tumult. "Do your traveling while you have light, and do not let the darkness overtake you; people who travel in darkness do not know where they are going! And while you have the light, believe in the light, so that you will be children of light!"

Immediately the crowd broke into another uproar. Some were defending Jesus, and others kept saying, "Whenever we ask something sensible, he gives us poetry!"

Jesus slipped away as he was wont to do in the confusion, and went back to Gethsemani. His disappearance was a signal for us also to leave and meet him there.

On this afternoon, the day before what most were saying was the Eve of the Passover, some of the students asked Jesus where he wanted them to go to make the Passover dinner ready. I was among them, eager to hear what he said. But Jesus singled out two others, and said to them, "Go into the city and you will meet a man there whom you will recognize. Tell him that I ask him if he knows a place where I can eat the Passover dinner with my students. He will show you a room, and you can make it ready. Today."

He must have known about me. So it looked as if it might be today, not tomorrow. I was certainly astute to inform the authorities. The only problem now was to get away and tell them of the fact; but they would be ready. But he sent the students in such a way that I could not know beforehand where he was going to eat it, and so I would actually have to go and share the dinner--or at least part of it--with him. I might be able to leave in the middle, giving as an excuse that I had to see to the rest of the festivities or some such thing--to give something to the poor, perhaps. And it was always possible that I might decide at the last minute that I would not do it. Unlikely, but possible.

In any case, that evening, Jesus led us to the house in Jerusalem, a house I should have been able to predict, but one never knew with all this intrigue. He told us at the last minute that we would be eating the Passover dinner that night, instead of on the beginning of the Sabbath, and everyone realized why he had done it. I heard murmurs of how clever he had been.

Ezra came over and said something to Thomas, presumably about me, who he must have suspected was going to hand Jesus over. Otherwise, how would the authorities know where to look? "David and I will be waiting in the garden," he said audibly. Only the Twelve were to eat the dinner this night. But there was no way I could get away for even a moment to warn Zebulun. I entered, with the rest, taking care to be in the middle of those who went in, so as not to call attention to myself.

Matthew entered the room last, with the rest of us already lying on the dining-couches and as Matthew took his place, Jesus nodded as he saw that the number was complete, and rose, took off his robe, and picked up a towel and a basin and went to the students to wash their feet.

"Master, are you going to wash my feet?" asked the Rock.

"You do not understand what I am doing at the moment," said Jesus. "Afterwards, you will see what it was."

"You will not wash my feet!" exclaimed the Rock. Only slaves did such things. "Ever!"

Jesus looked over at him, with sn enigmatic smile. "If I do not wash you, you will have no share in the inheritance I am to receive."

"Oh, well, then, Master, not just my feet! Wash my hands and face also!" The clown! And he was to be our leader! Oh, well, not for long.

Jesus laughed and said, "One who has bathed needs only his feet washed; the rest of him is clean. And you people are clean." He looked around at them. "Though not all of you," he added, seriously. So he knew. Of course he knew.

I could not give the least hint that I knew what he meant, because that would mean my death. The Rock even had brought a sword in from somewhere.

Well, I was not certain I would carry out what I had planned. I would wait and see what would happen, though my soul was screaming so loudly I thought it could be heard. One of the hardest things was not to flinch when Jesus, who had taken off his robe, came to me and washed my feet with a basin of water he had obtained from somewhere and dried them with the towel he was temporarily wearing.

After he had finished and put his robe back on and lain down again, he said to all of us, "Now. Do you know what I have done to you? You call me 'Teacher,' and 'Master,'--your owner--and you are right. That is what I am. Now if your Master and Teacher washes your feet, you ought to wash each other's feet. I have given you an example to follow."

Everyone looked around, wondering if he meant this literally, or if it was another metaphor. "I am not speaking to all of you," said Jesus. "I know the ones I chose. I am saying it to fulfill what was written, 'One who is eating bread with me has raised his heel to stomp on me.' A chill ran through me.

And I am telling you before it happens, so that when it does happen, you will believe me."

He went on talking, but everyone had caught what he was driving at and began talking at once to each other. Jesus then shuddered and sobbed out, "Amen amen I tell you, one of you will betray me!"

Now he had actually told them I was thinking of "betraying" him. I put my hand on my dagger, which would not make much of a defense against twelve enraged men, some enormous, such as Andrew.

But each of the fools was wondering if it was himself that was the betrayer! I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Each began asking Jesus whether he was the one. How absurd! How lucky I would be to be free of these cretins and among intelligent people again!

Then John, who was in the seat of honor in front of Jesus, leaned back and whispered something, presumably asking Jesus who it was; and Jesus whispered something back. He had to know. I was a marked man, at least at the moment with John, and soon with everyone. I had to get out of there! I asked Jesus "Master, it is not I, it?" just like the others, and he whispered so that only I could hear, "You are right." And then he handed me a bit of bread that he had dipped in the sauce--as if to say, "I know, and I still accept you as one of mine if you repent."

Repent! When he would betray me! No, that piece of bread had to be his signal to John, who was watching closely, that I was indeed the one. But so far, it was only John, and Jesus, interestingly, was holding him back. Jesus evidently saw that now I was determined, and said, in a voice of resignation, "Do, then, what you were to do; but be quick about it." And I left.

It was night.

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