Fifteen

Thomas's eyes widened. "Of a truth?"

"We were down in Judea when John started speaking of him," said John. Thomas and Nathanael looked confused, and John, seeing this, said, "John is a person that has been causing a tremendous amount of controversy, bathing people in the Jordan down there, telling them that he is the forerunner of the promised Prince, and that we should prepare ourselves. I happened to be there, though James stayed here to keep the business going--I was to enter into studies at the Temple, and my--at any rate, I was there with Andrew and Simon, who had decided to take a little holiday and see this preacher."

"And we were enthralled," said Andrew. "He had everyone convinced that we were about to enter a new age."

"And then he actually pointed out who it was that he was referring to," continued John, "one day that Jesus walked by. He said that he had bathed him also (he bathed us too, of course) and saw the Spirit come upon him like a dove, and that was how he knew who he was."

"And of course, as soon as we heard it, we went after Jesus," continued Andrew, "and spent the day with him. John may have been forceful, but he--well, of course, you have met him."

"We knew we were to be 'students' of his, as he called us, as if he were a rabbi," said John, "but he mentioned that he would not be available for a couple of months, and that we should resume what we had been doing. 'I will see you again, never fear,' he said." (At this point, James took John aside and told him, "Be not quite so enthusiastic about what you are interested in, remember. You tend to make others bored if you are not careful." They had discussed this often, and John, who was about to break in again, was silent.)

"And sure enough," Andrew continued, "as we were in the boats not too long ago, mending our nets, he came by and told us to follow him--and we did, as did James and Simon, leaving poor Zebedee befuddled and, truth be told, a bit indignant. That is what Simon is trying to patch up at the moment."

Nathanael then stepped back in and said, "But let me introduce you to the others." He brought Thomas to James the Owl, who said, "I am (hem) pleased to make your acquaintance. I had (ha) heard of your plight from Nathanael--or should I now say (hem) Bartholomew?"

"Call me whatever you like," answered Nathanael, clearly annoyed.

"So like you," said James. "It gratifies me," he said to Thomas, "to see that you are (ha) recovered." Thomas did not seem to be able to deal with the hems and has very well either (did anyone?), and smiled and turned back to Nathanael, who was bringing him to someone else.

"This is Judas," he said, relieved to have remembered the name just in time, "but he also has another name, Thaddeus, to distinguish him from the man over there we will meet in a moment, Judas from Kerioth, whom we call 'Iscariot' for that reason. The two greeted one another and made the appropriate noises, and then Nathanael went over and said, "Judas, Thomas is by now quite bewildered at how we all seem to be named in pairs." John was impressed that he himself could keep them all straight. After all, John knew most of them, and Nathanael had just met everyone.

As Judas greeted Thomas cordially enough he said, "We will sort ourselves out in a short time. We are in one sense a rather rag-tag group, but the Master knows what he is doing; you will see."

"But there is another Simon also," said Nathanael, "besides the brother of Andrew," and led him to Simon the Revolutionary. Thomas's eyes widened when Nathanael said, "We call him 'Simon the Revolutionary." He looked the part so perfectly.

"In truth?" said Thomas, evidently surprised that a revolutionary would be associated with Jesus.

"Well, I used to belong to the Zealot party that, you know, has been trying to find a way to free us of Rome. And if Jesus is the Prince who had been prophesied, then he will be able to accomplish it--he will be sure to do so--and so I joined him."

"The rest of us," broke in John, who could not contain himself, "are not quite so sure that that is what Jesus has in mind."

"I would not rule it out, youngster," said Simon.

"Oh, please! Do we look like the makings of an army?" Even less so now, he thought, with a reformed--if he was reformed--drunk among them.

"You never know," answered Simon. "I imagine those who followed Judas Maccabeus did not look like much at the beginning. We will see, we will see."

"We will never see that, I am certain."

"Yes, well, many are certain of many things."

"But I did not have a chance to tell you--Didymus--" said John, eager to end what promised to be an ongoing controversy between them, "how very happy--how very happy--I am to see you here." It was so--glorious--to see Samuel again, and to know that even if it was not Samuel, it was Thomas, and a Thomas who was not also killed by what John had done with Samuel.

"Why thank you--John, is it? The names are running by me so quickly I lose them as soon as I hear them. But I fear I am no great addition to anything."

"Fear not. You will do great things. We all will do great things; I am convinced of it."

"By the way," said Andrew, "did you know that Jesus' mother has been invited to a wedding in Cana tomorrow? And that it looks as if we will be going also?" Thomas flinched at this, and John thought, "It will be a test for him, of a certainty. How will he avoid accepting a cup of wine? And if he holds it, how can he avoid tasting it? And then doubtless all would be lost!"

"Indeed?" said John. He hoped it was not true, for Thomas's sake.

"I believe so," answered Andrew. "That is why Jesus is at Simon's house now. He is speaking to his wife and her mother about the arrangements; it is her sister who is about to be married, and he is trying to see if we will be a burden on the couple."

"I can see why," said Thomas. "Probably whoever invited her and Jesus had no idea that it would involve eight or ten more people." He also sounded eager that it might prove impossible.

"Exactly. And I do not think they are especially well off. So perhaps Jesus will go alone; I would suspect that that would be the most sensible thing. But Simon gave me the impression that he (I mean Jesus) would like to bring us along, if it were possible. Perhaps Jesus will subtly supply some financial help, somehow."

"He wishes to make a sort of public display of us as a group, I suspect," said Nathanael. "We are presumably the core--or part of it--of whatever it is that he is planning."

John thought that it was anything but a promising "core" of any significant enterprise. Because it seemed more and more true that Jesus had gathered his followers more because they needed him than that he needed them. He had heard some remarks as they were waiting that Nathanael was nothing but a lazy oaf, and Nathanael himself had blurted that he was "nothing but fear," which might be the source of his reputation. A coward--if he was one--a drunk, two hotheads, one of whom had attractions he wished he did not have, a revolutionary, a--Philip--a man who could not say three words without clearing his throat, a shy little man who disappeared into the crowd at the first opportunity. That left no one but Andrew, Simon, and Judas; and only Judas looked as if he was really fit for world-shaking.

And Ezra. How did he fit in, if at all? John was talking of inconsequential matters to Andrew, but he had Ezra in the corner of his eye, as he and Thomas were standing apart from the others, engaged in a rather serious conversation. Nobody else had paid any attention to him at all, striking as his appearance was--probably because he had been a slave, and one did not notice slaves, and thus got the impression that they were not worth noticing--even after they had ceased to be slaves.

At one point, Thomas laughed aloud, calling attention to the two of them. "If ever I need lessons in how to be a successful slave, I know who to come to for instruction," he said. Ezra laughed with him.

John, who had come to a pause in his own conversation, wandered over to them and said, "What was this you found so amusing?"

Ezra gave Thomas a knowing look. What was that about? Thomas said to John, "Oh, Ezra was telling me how slaves manage to manipulate their masters, and I said I knew who to go to if I needed lessons in how to be a slave."

"How does it feel, Ezra," said John, "to be a free man?"

"At the moment, John," (as he said the name without any "Master" preceding it, John reacted for an instant, but recovered himself) "it is not so very different. I find it somewhat frightening, however, because my decisions now have consequences. When I merely did what my master ordered, the consequences were his."

"Yes," returned John, after a moment's thought. "I have heard people who leave the army say much the same thing."

"But I will learn." He gave John a huge smile, which made John's heart leap. Another one to be careful of. "We all have a great deal to learn, I think," he said.

"True." How extremely true! He noticed with relief that Jesus was approaching. "And we have found the perfect rabbi and master. And here he comes--with his mother and Simon."

Jesus and Simon were engaged in earnest conversation when they approached, with his mother contributing a remark here and there.

John ran up as they came near, and told them that they had met Thomas, and Jesus said, "Yes, we are nearly complete now. There is one more, but I think that it will be some time before he joins us." Another one in serious danger? thought John. If I am right, that is what it is. It will be interesting to see.

"But," said John aloud, looking over at Thomas, "are we going to the wedding-feast? Or will you go by yourself?".

Jesus's mother answered, "You were never slow, John, in getting to the point. Give us a moment to breathe. Who is this new member you have?" John took her arm and all but dragged her to meet Thomas, who bowed. Jesus went off to the side, letting his mother be the center of attention. He seemed interested in what his "students'" conversation would be, rather than in dominating it.

"I am very happy to make your acquaintance, Thomas," she said. "My son speaks highly of you?"

"He does?" said Thomas in amazement. "I cannot think on what grounds." He blushed in embarrassment.

"Oh, he sees what is inside a person," she answered. "I imagine you were a bit--shall we say taken aback?--by some of the rest of the group. Their outside in some cases is not prepossessing." That was an understatement, thought John, who happened to be looking at the owl James. He wondered what the danger was that he was in.

"He told me that I must trust him," he replied. "I personally have no choice, but as Judas, I think it was, said, he seems to know what he is doing."

"Have no fear on that score," she said, "though of course, I would say such a thing, being his mother. But precisely because I am his mother, I can claim to know him better than anyone else; and I assure you, he is eminently worthy of your trust."

"I hope so, my Lady," So Thomas too had caught her regal air. "I myself am the person I am afraid to trust. I fear I have no capacity to do 'great things,' as people seem to be predicting of me."

She laughed. "Fear not. If he thinks you will do them, then you will do them. You will see. Fear not. Consider what you have done already."

Jesus had spoken of him to her, then, thought John. Or perhaps the two of them knew each others' thoughts. He remembered how Mary had pondered before he went to Jerusalem, as if she were consulting Jesus, wherever he was. "I find it not full of accomplishments, I am afraid," Thomas said, after a pause.

"But you are only looking at it from a certain point of view. He looks from all points of view. You will see. Fear not."

"I will try, my Lady."

"He asks no more." She turned from him to say something to John and then turned back, "Not even success."

That was interesting. Did it mean that John himself might sometimes fail? He felt a burst of both hope and fear. But then he said to Mary, "But have you met Nathanael?" as Thomas lapsed into a kind of reverie, pondering her remark. She asked Nathanael as she approached him, "Are you the one Philip found under the fig-tree? He told me about it." Nathanael cringed a little; what Philip said could be explosive.

"I am," he said. "I am quite as bewildered as Thomas over what possible role I could have in--whatever it is I am apparently to have a role in. I am completely in the dark."

"Fear not," she said. "It will come out, and you will find that you can do whatever needs to be done--you will perhaps amaze yourself at what you can do."

"I am already amazed, truth be told, my Lady. But it is all his doing. I was just thinking that I fit David's notion of himself as a 'worm, not a man.'"

She laughed. "Ah, but look at what David made of himself, with the Lord's help."

"Oh, but I am no David! Far from it!"

"Trust him. He knows what he is about." John himself was as convinced as everyone else of this. How could he not know, if he could divine others' thoughts so accurately?

"In my case, I have no alternative. To trust in myself is to trust a worm, and that is despair."

She laughed again. "Fear not."

"He will have to bring that about, I suspect. But I will try. I am gratified to hear you say that I need but try, not necessarily succeed."

"I meant that. You will see. The success is secondary. He could do it all himself, but he wishes that we join him."

"If I can."

"Of yourself, you cannot. None of us can. But trust him." And there was wisdom, thought John. If I only could keep it in mind!

"Well, as I said, I will try--or at any rate, I will try to try." She laughed once more.

But John now was growing a bit impatient about the wedding feast, and the stress it would put Thomas to. Was it not too early for a test, even if Jesus was to be nearby? He broke into the conversation with, "But then are we all going to the wedding on the day after tomorrow? If so, we must prepare, you know." Simon, who had joined them, seemed to think that there would be no difficulty with there being such an increase in the guests, but Mary was not quite so sure. "I will keep my eyes open," she said. "It would not be just if we turned a happy day into an embarrassment."

As Simon was speaking, John saw Thomas out of the corner of his eye, and said, "Simon, you have not yet met Thomas, who now calls himself 'Didymus,' in honor of his brother, who died, you know, in that tragic accident."

"I have heard much about you in the past," said Simon, "though as rivals at the time, we never met. I am happy to see you here." His emphasis on "happy" probably had something to do with the fact that he had been meeting with, among others, Thomas's father, who had disowned him.

Thomas answered, "I had also heard of you and Andrew, not to mention John and James. I was astonished at seeing all of you."

"Almost as astonished, I imagine, as we ourselves are at being here. But he knows what he is doing."

John said, "Then matters are settled? My father is mollified?"

"Well, at least not discontented. The joining of our hired hands and--and another person--makes the business viable and even perhaps somewhat better than either of ours was by itself. He still grumbles, but I think he sees it and accepts it. Of course, what else can he do?"

Andrew came up, "I am delighted to hear it," he said. "I was sure that you could work something out."

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