Twenty-Seven

But night was falling apace, and Jesus was still somewhere on the hill--or nowhere, or perhaps already in Capernaum. "What shall we do?" they asked each other. "He told us we were to be in Capernaum tomorrow. Shall we wait, or get into the boat now?"

"There is only the one boat," said Simon Rock, "and"--looking at Mary--"there are more of us now than when we came over. Will we all fit in?"

"Do not concern yourself," said Thomas. "It is a fine night, though it looks as if there might be a wind later. You go ahead in the boat if you think you want to risk it, in case he has somehow gone ahead of us. I will walk, and see you there probably around noon." He asked if anyone wanted to accompany him, and Simon the Revolutionary, who was not very interested in chitchat, volunteered, as did Mary and a few others, including women who were driving donkeys with bundles of the group's nomadic provisions.

John and James took two of the oars, with the Rock and Andrew behind them (that is, toward the bow). Andrew, as he rowed, looked fondly at John, whom he thought he had lost as a friend, and then found again. With all the blows to his complacency lately, it warmed his heart to think there was still someone who admired him--and someone as bright and talented as John. Life was good, as they flew over the water toward the middle of the "sea," which was the direct route to where they were going.

But after a short while, the conversation among those riding died down, as people looked up at the sky and saw the stars disappear. Nathanael, of course, was looking at the blackness invading the whole sky, and had broken into a sweat despite the chill; he gripped the gunwale fiercely, trying not to panic. Then it broke. Wind and horizontal-blowing rain.

The four oarsmen dug in with all their might as the waves rose, and everyone silently pulled with them mentally, as they struggled harder and harder. In a short while, Philip took over John's oar, and James the Owl that of his namesake (James was a good deal stronger than his hemming and hawing made him appear.), and Judas, who was obviously strong, spelled Andrew, and Thaddeus, of all people, took over from the Rock, who came to the stern beside Matthew, where Thaddeus had been sitting, and looked out, panting.

Andrew was more tired than he would like to admit; he had not been seriously rowing for nearly a year now, and it was much more work than he remembered. He sat on the seat at the side and looked down at his feet, too exhausted even to see if there was a break in the clouds in the distance, as sometimes happened with these sudden squalls.

Suddenly, the Rock straightened and cried, "Behold!"

"What is it?" came from several voices. The oarsmen were too busy trying to hold the boat on course.

"It looks like the Master!" Andrew looked up where Simon pointed, and it did appear that there was someone out there--walking toward them!

"The Master?" said John's brother. "What boat could he be in? Ours was the only one."

"He is not in a boat! He is walking over the water!"

"What?" "Where?" "You are out of your mind!"

"Look there astern! See for yourselves!"

"It is the Master!" "It is a ghost! They have killed him!" "Who is out of his mind now?" "How can anyone walk on top of the water? You are all seeing things!"

"No, it is truly the Master!" shouted the Rock over the roar of the storm. "Master, if it is you, tell me to come to you over the water!" Andrew cringed. How like him!

"Come!" came the voice--clearly, Jesus's voice.

The Rock stepped out of the boat and took a few steps toward Jesus--and then made the mistake of looking down. Immediately, he sank. "Master! Help!" How like him again! And this is the one chosen to lead us!

Jesus was suddenly up to him, reached out his hand, and lifted him up. "You skeptic!" he said, in an amused, not unkindly tone. "Why did you doubt?" He brought the Rock up to the boat, and both climbed in.

--And suddenly, the wind and rain stopped, and they found that they were on the shore they had been trying to reach. No one said a word, all cowed by what they had witnessed. Not only food, but even the winds and the sea were his slaves, and did his bidding at not even a word, but a mere nod of his head.

Well, thought Andrew, of course they would be if he was who he said he was. And if he could do this, who else could he be?

He saw Matthew glance over at Judas, as overwhelmed as all the rest. He was struggling, it seemed, to see if this fit in with his view of what Jesus was, and making adjustments to his theory. Not an easy task, but Judas would probably manage it. After all, Jesus was supposedly full of the force that fashioned the universe. How easy it was to explain it all away! --But if he was mad, he was mad in just this way from the beginning. There was no question of its gradually creeping up on him.

They found a sheltered, dry spot and caught a blessed couple of hours of sleep, and then proceeded to the synagogue in Capernaum in silence, everyone too tired to talk--and, it must be said, too overwhelmed with the miraculous bread and the command Jesus had over the elements to think of anything to say.

Outside the synagogue, Jesus again found himself surrounded by a crowd, many of whom had come round already by land, or perhaps in other boats that went by, from where they had been staying. They had informed the rest about the miraculous multiplication of the loaves and fishes, and the whole crowd was abuzz. Jesus, however, did not speak with anyone until they were in the synagogue, and everyone had settled down a bit because they were in a holy place.

Finally, he sat down and looked at them. "Rabbi, when did you get here?" someone asked before he could begin speaking. They had seen the students go alone into the boat, and there were no other boats there.

"Amen amen I tell you," said Jesus solemnly, "you are not looking for me because you saw evidence; you are here because you had a meal and filled yourselves with the bread. Do not be bothering about food that spoils; pay attention to food that stays fresh for eternal life: food that the Son of Man will give you, because this is the task the Father has assigned to him."

So the miraculous bread was a sign--but of what? Jesus seemed to be saying that it was a sign of some kind of food. Was this to be the food that would end all hunger? Was this how the Kingdom was to begin?

But they ignored it. They were more interested, obviously, in how they could have Jesus repeat what he had done for them."But what are we supposed to do," they asked "if we are to concern ourselves with what God wants of us?"

"God's task for you," answered Jesus, "is for you to believe in the one he sent."

Well, if Jesus was going to give them "true food," then they would have to believe that he could do it; the bread and the fish were just an indication: a sign.

"Very well," they answered, "but how do you go about proving that you are the one we are to believe in? What is this task God has given you? Our ancestors ate manna in the desert, after all, as it says in Scripture, 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'" Andrew felt like shouting at them, "You fools! What do you think Jesus has done, just yesterday? Where do you think that extra bread came from?

But Jesus was unperturbed. But he was deadly serious, Andrew could see. He prefaced what he was saying with his formulaic, "Amen amen I tell you," and then continued, "Moses did not give you bread from heaven." He emphasized the word as his questioner had done, "but my Father will give you bread that really does come from heaven. God's bread is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." There it was. He was the bread, somehow.

"Ah! Then give us this bread, Master, all the time!"

"I am the bread that comes down from heaven." said Jesus. "A person who comes to me will never be hungry, and one who believes in me will never feel thirst." It sounded to Andrew as if the relief from hunger and thirst would begin when a person really believed who Jesus was. Andrew thought that he clearly did not really believe as yet, then.

And he heard the people say to each other, "You see? It was nothing but 'listen to me' all over again. Bread from heaven indeed! One could eat the manna!"

"I told you," answered Jesus, "you saw the evidence just now, and yet you still do not believe me. But everyone my Father gave me comes to me, and I will not turn my back on anyone who comes to me, because I came down from heaven to do the will of the one who sent me, not what I please."

So now he had made the bald claim that he came down from heaven, and was evidently sent by God, whose will he was fulfilling. This was indeed a pivotal speech he was making, prepared for by the multiplication of ordinary bread.

At this point, Mary, who had walked around the shore, came into the synagogue, and Matthew went over to her immediately. Andrew could not make up his mind whether he was full of pity for Matthew, who was headed for trouble whether Mary was reformed or not--especially since he seemed to have no idea that he had more than an avuncular interest in her--or whether, if she was reformed, he should think of him as a rival.

Andrew lost what Jesus was saying because of the interruption, but whatever it was, it did not sit well with the congregation. They were grumbling to themselves more and more loudly, saying things like, "Is this not the Jesus that is Joseph's son?" Another answered, "It is. We know his father and mother. How can he claim that he 'came down from heaven'?"

"What are you complaining about?" said Jesus. "No one can come to me unless he is drawn by the Father who sent me--and then I will bring him to life on the last day. There is a prophesy, 'They will all be instructed by God.' Everyone who has listened to the Father and learned from him comes to me; no one has seen the Father except the one who is at God's side. He has seen the Father."

So now he was saying not only that he had come from the Father, but that he "is" at God's side--presumably now, while he is here--and "has seen" the Father--from all eternity? The Pharisees doubtless would make much of this. But the people had begun to listen.

"--has eternal life." he was saying. "I am bread for life. Your ancestors ate manna in the desert and died; but this is bread that comes down from heaven for people to eat and not die. I am living bread that comes down from heaven, and if anyone eats this bread, he will live forever." He paused, seemed to be inspired by an idea, stroking his beard in his characteristic way, and then continued, "And the bread I am to give you is the meat of my body, for the life of the world."

What was this? What was this? He is going to give us as bread the meat of his own body?

The people reacted in the same way.

"How can this man give us the meat of his body to eat?" said the people to each other. Andrew looked over at Mary, recalling Judas's words that Jesus soon would make some claim that no one could accept, and expect them to believe it. Mary cover her eyes with her hands.

It certainly sounded insane. But he had stroked his beard, probably meaning that a way to do this had occurred to him. But it would have to be a way that was not cannibalism!

And Andrew would have to find a way to trust that he had found the way. How, it was impossible to predict. But he was not a madman, and he had found a way. He had to have found a way!

Jesus evidently heard the congregation, but instead of explaining himself, he went on, "Amen amen I tell you that if you do not eat the meat which is the Son of Man's body--and drink his blood!--" The congregation gasped once again, "--you will not have life in you!" Jesus seemed more intense now than he had ever been.

So he was not going to explain himself. He was asking them all to believe that they would somehow eat the meat of his body and drink his blood, and it would be salvific, not disgusting.

This was the acid test. He would either find believers, or he had sealed his doom, and he obviously knew it, because he was looking more around at the Twelve than at everyone else. Matthew stared at him open-mouthed, and Mary was about to weep. Judas was looking at the floor, shaking his head.

"--meat which is my body is real food, and my blood is real drink. Anyone who eats the meat of my body and drinks my blood lives in me and I in him. Just as my living Father sent me and I live through the Father, anyone who eats me will live through me. This is the bread that comes down from heaven. Not what your ancestors ate. They died. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever!"

. People were now saying, "That is disgusting! How can anyone listen to it?"

Jesus looked around at all of them, as they murmured to one another in their outrage. But still he did not explain himself. "You find that difficult to accept, do you not? What if you were to see the Son of Man rise up to where he was before? Spirit is what gives life; matter is of no use at all; and what I have told you is spirit and life, and there are some of you who do not believe it!"

Could it be that it was a metaphor indicating that he would be killed and his blood be spilled by the people and that very death would save them? They would be "eating the meat" which they had butchered and drunk the blood they had spilled, and this crime would be used to remit their sins. If taken in that sense, it would be a "spiritual" eating and drinking. It was far-fetched, but Andrew could believe something like that.

As Jesus looked out at his increasingly thinning audience, it seemed that there was not one of them who believed--understood!--what he was saying; even Andrew himself was not sure if he himself believed, unless it had only this metaphorical meaning.

Well, Andrew could trust that at the proper time, it would all make sense. Jesus simply could not be anything but the Son of the Living God, as Simon had called him; after all, he had just walked on top of a heaving sea! No, it was no surprise to find that most people simply dismissed what he was saying as crazy.

"--why I said that no one can come to me unless he is given the power to do it by my Father."

But Jesus was now talking to the backs of the congregation, who were streaming out the doors saying that he might be able to cure the sick, but he was mad, and anyone who listened to him was as mad as he.

And was not this just what Judas had predicted? Andrew looked at Mary again, and saw that this was exactly what she was thinking. That man was poison!

Finally, there were left merely the Twelve and one or two others. Jesus looked at them, as they gazed expectantly at him, all of them hoping--praying--for an explanation, such as those he would give them privately about his stories. But Jesus said, with infinite sorrow, "Do you wish to go away too?"

There was a dead silence, and a few shuffled their feet. One or two--not of the Twelve--did leave, shaking their heads in disillusionment. Judas was among those who stayed; but he had his eyes fixed on the mosaic on the floor beneath him, almost in embarrassment.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Simon Rock spoke up, with tears in his voice. "Master, to whom would we go? We know that what you say is eternal life, and--and we have believed that you are the Holy One of God. We--we know this."

Jesus smiled poignantly at the masterful effort. "Did I not choose you twelve?" he said. Then his eyes lifted themselves to the mountains on the other side of the lake and beyond them to the infinity he had just said he had come from, and added, "And one of you is a devil!"

So he knew. Of course he knew. How could he not know, if he was who he was and not what Judas thought he was?

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